Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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