It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
