What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my sisters under your porch take her home
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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