very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize