So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
