Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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