shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
