why didn't you poke me back
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
