I cut my penus on the lid.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
