I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
