I didn't shave. On purpose
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Randomize
