Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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