i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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