mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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