I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
