Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
