I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
