bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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