It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
