who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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