....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
