I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I lost the right to judge tonight
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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