think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
