come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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