He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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