Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
