Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize