Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
