I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
