I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
