Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
