I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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