I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
