Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
