I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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