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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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