woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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