This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
