Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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