I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
NoShamevember. You game?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
