Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize