I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
