I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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