And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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