i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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