So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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