We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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