: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
