Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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