i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
