the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize