he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
