The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
