erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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