you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
