Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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