I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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