Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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