Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
