Porn is love you can see.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
