So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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