I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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