Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
