I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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