Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
