No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
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