I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My ATM looks so different sober.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
