Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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