I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
