Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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