Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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