I am full of burrito and curiosity
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize