glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
