is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
