I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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