dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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