I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
