He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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