he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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