For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize