Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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