just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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