non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
