I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize