I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
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