i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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