Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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