At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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