Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
if only i could text you this smell
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
