apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
