i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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