once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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