You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
