Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
