Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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