Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize