I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
