shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
