her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
