I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
