On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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