God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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