you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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