I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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