i just had sex bonerless
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
