he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
