I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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