I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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