I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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