Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
