I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
