actually, I'm a sock model
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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