she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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