it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
