i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
