Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
