I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
