i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
