Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
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